I dated two women I didn’t find sexually attractive. Both times felt as if something was wrong with me. As a man, I love the hunt. But with these two particular women, I didn’t want the kill. One of them was my girlfriend of several months who was bisexual and wanted us to have a threesome.
If only I wanted her sexually, I would’ve had an amazing sex life with another girl who we would’ve introduced to our bed. Not being sexually attracted to your partner can happen to anyone.
Perhaps you’re intrigued by their personality or they came along when you needed someone but weren’t the first choice. For me, I was initially attracted to both women, but when I saw them naked, I wasn’t aroused. It’s as if the suspense of chasing them was exciting but catching them dissipated the thrill of going after something I thought I might not be able to get.
I’ve seen married couples, with one partner who wasn’t attracted to the other. The unattracted partner might be intimate but is ultimately unfulfilled and secretly yearns for someone they find attractive.
Sex is an important part of a relationship and without it, a partner feels unattractive, unwanted and definitely unfulfilled.
When you’re with a partner you’re not attracted to, it usually leads to two scenarios — cheating or ending the relationship.
In my case, the relationships ended. The women ended them because I didn’t bang them. That’s understandable, but it’s much more serious when you’re married.
To increase your chances of having a successful marriage, couples should be intimate with each other for a significant period before they tie the knot. If the sex is great during a prolonged period of dating, your chances are higher of being sexually attracted to your spouse for a long period.
Naturally, the desire to have sex with your partner fizzles out after many years of being with them. But you don’t want it to happen after the first two years of marriage.
If the sex is still good throughout your relationship, you’re likely to enter the marriage still lusting for each other. I believe one of the reasons that couples have less sex in a marriage is because the passion began dwindling during the dating stage.
That’s the reason the conception of less sex during marriage has become prevalent. If your desire to have sex with your partner decreases during dating, that’s probably not your future spouse.
You’ll do yourself and your partner a disservice by marrying them because the desire to be intimate with them will further decrease during the marriage, which adds complexities of sharing finances, having children and feeling the pressure to remain with that person for the rest of your life.
When you notice the desire for your partner dwindle, try something different in bed. Don’t make hasty decisions, and let some time pass to rejuvenate the passion. If nothing changes after feeling you’ve exhausted all options, it’s probably time to move on.
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