Rain trickled down on my lilies and smudged the concrete that I had pressure-washed a week ago. Today was the fifth day in a row that I was cooped up in the house because of unfavourable weather.
Working from home was wonderful for several reasons, but I discovered that I had become a homebody. In winter, I gained a bit of weight because of a lack of movement, and now that it was summer, I forced myself every day after work to walk Milo.
Although he was small, the outdoors energised him so much that it felt like he walked me. I enjoyed our outings because I hoped that a man would approach me. A while back, I ran into a man with a dog, and he struck up a conversation with me. But he didn’t ask me out.
Throughout the years, I noticed that I received less attention from men as I aged. Turning forty this year didn’t help. I noticed men older than me perving over young women. Urgh. Yuck. How disgusting? What do they see in them? How could a young woman possibly challenge him like an experienced woman such as myself can? It’s like half the men in the world have completely lost their minds.
Mom taught me never to rely on any man and to prioritise independence. She was right. I couldn’t imagine relying on a man for financial support and then him leaving me in my old age because he found a younger woman. That would be devastating.
After graduating from high school, I focused on obtaining a master’s in literature. Since I was a child, I wanted to be a novelist. Thinking about travelling the world, hosting book tours and mingling with my fans gave me a goal to work towards.
Earlier this year, I published my fourth novel. I haven’t yet become the global sensation that I fantasised about, but I’m certain that it will happen someday. For now, I have clients who provide me with enough work to earn a full-time living writing blogs and updating websites.
I thought that by the time I turned forty, I would live in the countryside with my husband and some animals, possibly raising children, while being a world-renowned novelist. Sigh. I’d love nothing more than for that to materialise. Life is more fun when you spend it with the people you love.
Ernie was the love of my life. Or, at least, I thought so because you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with that person. He loved computers and spent most of his time developing software. I loved his thick, black-framed glasses and the way he squinted when he took them off.
On our first date, he brought me roses and a teddy bear. I thought that was so sweet. He fidgeted uncontrollably during dinner, and I noticed his knee rattling from the foot tapping.
I wasn’t surprised that he didn’t kiss me when he walked me to my door. The poor guy probably considered getting through the date without having a panic attack as success. Most women aren’t attracted to men who are intimidated by them, but I saw Ernie’s potential. So I decided to go on a second date, hoping that he would exude more confidence.
Although less jittery, Ernie was still a nervous wreck. The responsibility of making a move fell on me if I wanted our connection to strengthen.
Sitting on a bench, I turned to him and locked eyes with him. He briefly looked away, revealing his shyness. I kept looking at him and then leaned in to him, my eyes closed.
A few seconds had passed. I hoped that he would summon the courage to kiss me. Much to my delight, he pressed his soft lips against mine. The kiss wasn’t extraordinary, but I was glad that Ernie took a step closer to manhood.
When he stood up, I noticed his pants bulging. He was confused about my smile. I didn’t tell him I was flattered by his erection and that I wanted to see it. He would’ve thought I was a slut and not marriage material.
The following day, he called me to say that he enjoyed our date and couldn’t wait to see me. I smiled broadly, glad to hear his confidence. I wanted to bask in more of his masculinity, so I said, Yates.
Pleasantly surprised, I smiled and raised my eyebrows as Ernie grabbed my butt cheeks tightly while shoving his tongue inside my mouth. Good Lord. I even felt his penis poking me. I was turned on.
A part of me wished that Ernie had escalated more physically, but I was happy with his progress. I knew that it would be a matter of time before we fell in love and made our relationship official.
When I got home after the date, I saw notifications on my phone. A few men had messaged me on a dating app.
One of the men was Jamal. He was tall, dark and probably the most handsome man to initiate a conversation with me. I thought that replying to him wouldn’t hurt anybody.
A few minutes after my reply, he told me that he was glad to hear from me and reached out because I was beautiful. I was flustered, completely in awe. My God, he was beyond gorgeous. I couldn’t stop scrolling through his pictures.
We messaged back and forth for a few minutes before I noticed that he had logged off. My shoulders dropped as I frowned and pouted. Just as I began to connect with him, it felt like he pulled the rug under my feet and left me lying on my back, knocking the wind out of me.
The following day, I checked my messages. Nothing from Jamal. I wondered if I said something the previous day to turn him off, so I reread the messages. I didn’t detect anything that presented me in a bad light.
While in the kitchen, I snapped my head towards the phone as it beeped for a notification. I walked quickly to it, snatching it off the table, smiling.
My smile slightly faded as I saw that it was a message from Ernie. I was still excited to hear from him, but I enjoyed the attention more from the latest offering.
During my date with Ernie, my phone beeped. I excused myself to go to the bathroom because I couldn’t wait to see who messaged me. My smile broadened, seeing Jamal’s message: Hey, you. Why you show me no love?
I wanted to respond immediately, but I assumed he’d reply while I was at the table with Ernie. I didn’t have another excuse to leave, and I wouldn’t have been able to wait for the date to end to see his message. Besides, making him wait for my response would show him that I’m not desperate for his attention. He made me wait, so turnabout is fair play.
While Ernie spoke, I thought about what I would message Jamal. It was a completely different ball game with him. He was smooth, confident and direct. I loved that about him. Communicating with such a man forced me to step up my game.
I hadn’t decided on my response, but I believed that the words would come to me at home. Ernie asked if I wanted dessert and said that the chocolate mousse cake was delicious. My chocolate dessert waited for me to respond, and I couldn’t wait to taste him.
“No, thanks, Ernie. I’m feeling a bit under the weather. You mind if we call it a night?”
He nodded. “Sure, no problem. I’ll take you.”
He was so sweet to offer me a lift so that I wouldn’t pay for a taxi. I always wanted my husband to be a gentleman.
At my doorstep, Ernie stared at me. I assumed that he wanted me to invite him in, but I pecked his lips and told him that I’d call him.
Lying on my bed, I reread Jamal’s message. He was still online, so I figured he’d respond to me immediately.
‘Hi. Been busy. I only give love to a special man. Is that you?’
‘Hell yeah, girl. Whacha take me fo’?’
‘Just checking. Don’t wanna waste time with a deadbeat.’
‘You tripping. Hey, listen. How about this: You and me, on a rooftop, watching the sunset? Would a deadbeat take you there?’
‘I guess not. But you still gotta prove it.’
‘I will. You better come right.’
I didn’t understand what he meant by that, but I assumed that he wanted me to act cordially and submit to his demands. I planned to if he was charming.
‘Time and place?’ I asked.
‘I’ll let you know.’
I loved that he was mysterious. It annoyed me slightly and kept me on my toes. I felt that his surprise would be worth the wait.
The following morning, Ernie messaged me to tell me that he enjoyed our dinner and couldn’t wait for the next one. If I hadn’t met Jamal, I would’ve been more eager to spend time with Ernie. But I felt that I had a better option. Ernie was my backup if it didn’t work out with Jamal, but I believed it would.
While working, I couldn’t stop thinking about my date with Jamal. I had a good feeling about it and wanted to experience it. I knew it would be magical.
Being a plump girl limited the amount of attention I received from men, so for someone like Jamal to notice me, I felt that all the handsome men who ignored me missed out. Him flirting with me boosted my ego and made me feel sexy.
He seemed like the type of man who knew his way around a woman’s body. And his full, voluptuous lips all over my body made me hot. I imagined his hands to be soft and silky, much like his lips. His broad chest and abs would be rock hard. Something of his that was further south would also be hard. I cheekily smiled as I imagined his girth and size. I was convinced that he was well-endowed.
Thinking about being hot and sweaty while in his arms made me moist. I opened my legs and slid my hand into my pants. I pictured Jamal rattling his big tongue in every direction on my wet pussy. Oh, God. That drove me crazy.
My forehead wrinkled as I fingered myself faster. I moaned while imagining Jamal whipping out his dick and tapping its head on my pussy. I would beg him to stick it inside me and give it to me hard. He would gladly oblige. I’m certain of that. But he’d probably taunt me by moving it closer to my pussy and then holding it without sticking it inside of me. That would drive me nuts and make me want him even more.
Everything with him was a waiting game. The games he played felt like they would lead to a climax of the biggest orgasm I had ever experienced. The buildup to it made me hornier.
I fantasised about closing my eyes and exhaling a breath of relief as his huge dick slid inside of me. He would bite his lip and swing his hips fast. I would scream, feeling like his tip was inside my stomach. Feeling him completely inside of me, I would beg him to never stop.
A wave of orgasms would crash on top of each other as I struggled to catch my breath from the previous tide. I would completely surrender my mind and body to him, allowing him to do with me as he pleased. I don’t doubt that he would take complete advantage of me.
Abruptly, he would stop and dangle his tongue above my stomach before licking it, leaving a moist trail as he slid up to my chest and then neck.
He would grope my mouth, overpowering my lips with his voluptuous ones. Our tongues would twirl around each other, and I wondered what it would feel like for him to lick me downstairs.
Jamal demanded that I get on my hands and knees. I gladly obliged. He grabbed my butt cheeks and shook them before inserting his dick inside of me. I felt his strong hands on my shoulders, and he thrust fast. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, my lust shooting out of it.
He chuckled, hearing me express myself because of his hard pounding. Jamal smacked my ass several times and told me to tell him that he was the man. Ugh, men and their egos. I complied with his request because he deserved the compliment. He gave me good dick.
I was surprised that he lasted as long as he did, especially at the pace that he banged me.
Before he came, he told me to turn around and open my mouth. His semen spilt inside mmy mouth, and he shook his dick, trying to get the remaining remnants off.
My pussy was sopping wet as I fingered myself during the fantasy. If that was imaginary, the real thing must be mind-bblowing. I couldn’t wait to see him.
The following day, while working, I received a phone notification. I immediately assumed it was Ernie wanting to set up a date. Which girl wouldn’t want a free dinner with a gentleman?
I smiled, seeing it was Jamal. ‘Hey, girl. Meet me at Constantia Roof at 6.’
I had to Google it to see how long it would take me to get there. Jamal was cheeky to set up a date two hours earlier and not even ask if I could attend. He must’ve assumed that I would drop everything to see him. I can’t say that’s not true. He probably got used to getting away with that behaviour with other women. A man who is a complete package like him gets treated differently by women than most men.
Before pulling off, I messaged him that I was on my way.
At the red traffic light, my beeped again. I wondered what Jamal wanted to tell me. I checked my phone and saw a text from Ernie, asking me about my day. That was sweet of him, but I didn’t want to be distracted. My sole focus was on spending time with Jamal.
I stopped in front of the building and then got out of the car. I looked up at the roof and wondered how to reach it since it didn’t have fire escape stairs. Perhaps the elevator went up there.
I walked inside the building and saw that the elevator was out of order. Just great. I had to walk up about ten floors, although it felt like a hundred.
At the top, I leaned against the wall and panted, sweat dripping down my face. I didn’t want Jamal to see me like that, so I remained in that spot for several minutes to cool off.
Some time later, I wiped the remaining sweat off my forehead and gulped to moisten my parched mouth.
I pushed the rusty, black door, and it swung open. On the ledge stood Jamal, his back facing me. He looked over his shoulder and smiled. I smiled at him.
“This place is off the hook, don’t you think?” he asked.
“Sure is.” I added. “Isn’t it a bit dangerous to stand there?”
“Naah. Besides, what’s life without a little danger?”
“Safe.”
He chuckled. “You wanna join?”
“No, thanks. I’m good with my feet firmly planted far from the ledge.”
He jumped back and then walked towards me with open arms. We hugged, and I felt his back muscles through his white vest. He squeezed me tightly, and I felt my feminist walls collapsing as I submitted to him. He could’ve asked anything from me, and I would have entertained the idea. It felt so good to be with a real man.
Jamal pulled back, his hands on my waist. “Damn, you look good, girl.”
I felt my cheeks redden. He was even better looking in person. His dark eyes sparkled, and it felt like he looked into my soul, knowing that my knees were weak as he held me. If he let go of me, I’d fall to the floor.
I looked at his lips, and my eyelids slightly lowered as my lips parted. He could have me on the spot, and he knew it. But he chose to keep me in suspense, leaving me wondering if he would press his beautiful lips against mine.
He let go of me and stepped back. I felt weak and thought about my legs giving out. How could he do that to me?
“So, what ya think?”
“About?”
“This,” he said and gestured to the magnificent view of downtown, with the sun tucked away behind the skyscrapers.
“Looks amazing.”
“Yeh, I thought you’z say that.” He moved closer to the ledge and said, “Come ove’ here. I wanna show you something.” I hesitated to approach. “Iz all right. Come on. Don’t ya trust me?”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about his question. Jamal’s mysterious nature was intriguing but not worth risking my life.
I stepped towards him, and he stuck out his hand. I grabbed it, and he spun me around quickly and then caught me in his arms as I buckled, my knees bent as I looked up at him. He smiled at me, and I felt relieved that he caught me.
“Let’s not do that again, shall we?” I said.
“Aight, aight. I won’t frighten you.”
He pulled me up to my feet, and we stood in front of each other, our lips mere centimetres away. The sun’s backdrop darkened our profiles. Jamal’s big lips groped me, sucking me towards him and prompting me to grab his ass. I had to feel if it was tight, and I wasn’t disappointed.
I felt his dick poking my groin, so I reached into his pants. Although my eyes were closed as we kissed, I raised my eyebrows, feeling his thick, long dick. He put his hands on my shoulders and pressed down.
I lowered to my knees, and he whipped out his dick. I ogled at it, completely gobsmacked by its length and girth, afraid of it entering my tight hole, but I wanted it inside of me.
Jamal’s vehement expression suggested that he wanted me to suck his dick professionally. I’ve blown about five guys, so I have some experience. Watching porn actresses give blowjobs helped me to refine my technique.
He smiled as I shoved his dick into my mouth. I bobbed back and forth, barely fitting half of his length into my mouth. I couldn’t believe I was sucking the dick of a man I met online, on a rooftop. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that would happen. But I thought it was so hot.
Ernie would never initiate something like this. He was too innocent and inexperienced. Sometimes, a woman needs a real man to take her to new places that she wants to explore.
Jamal raised his chin, his lips apart and eyes closed. I was proud of myself for satisfying him. He probably received many blow jobs, and I was glad the effect mine had on him. It showed me that I outperformed most of the girls, if not all of them. We, plump girls, know how to satisfy our men.
He got harder in my mouth, stretching his dick a bit longer. I didn’t think it was possible for his dick to get any bigger. I felt his head in my throat, and I noticed him smile as I gurgled.
“Bend over for me, girl,” he said.
I stopped bobbing and smiled as I slowly pulled back. I knew his lust for me had reached fever pitch, and he wanted to explode inside of me.
Jamal stood upright as I bent over in front of him. He pulled my skirt up and stretched my g-string. My forehead wrinkled as his big dick slid inside of me. Jamal grabbed my ponytail and yanked it as he thrust.
I squealed unexpectedly, pleasantly surprised by his aggression. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, intermittently moaning as he banged me from behind. Tightening my lips together helped to muffle a few screams, which I badly wanted to let out. But I didn’t want anybody to hear me. The last thing I needed was for somebody to record us. That footage would be all over the internet.
I groaned a few times, unable to hold back all of the pleasure I experienced. Jamal’s stamina was unbelievable. He kept up a rapid pace for several minutes, not letting me catch my breath. At times, my head felt light, as if I was seconds away from passing out.
As I drifted off, Jamal’s hard thumping would jolt me back to consciousness. And then I would drift off again and repeat the process a few times.
After banging my brains out, Jamal eagerly told me to face him. I knew that he was about to cum. I got on my knees in front of him, and he twitched as he shot out a blob of semen on my face. He groaned as he let the next batch flow out of him and into my mouth.
His droopy eyes and deep exhale showed me that he had relieved himself. I was glad to have guided him there.
Jamal pulled up his pants, looked around and exhaled a deep breath, looking smug. He didn’t make eye contact with me, and I felt that he used me to tick an item off his bucket list. Was that all I was good for, or was I reading too much into his pose?
“We should get outta here before somebody catches us,” he said.
Although we didn’t make love, I still expected him to hold me from behind as we watched the sunset. I wondered why he was in such a rush to leave because he didn’t rush to finish.
I convinced myself that I overanalysed his behaviour and preempted imaginary problems. That was my head speaking, but my gut told me to trust my instincts. For the sake of avoiding a heartache, I chose to listen to my head, at least for the time being.
Jamal skipped down the stairs, gaining a huge lead on me. I wished that he had escorted me down to ensure that I didn’t slip and hurt myself. I tried to keep up with him, but my heel slid off a stair, and I shrieked as I grabbed the railing to avoid tumbling down the stairs.
Panting, I looked down the staircase and saw Jamal continue to the exit. I couldn’t believe that he didn’t stop and ask if I was okay. He definitely heard my terror, pervading down the staircase.
I decided to make my way down slowly. The hell with Jamal. He didn’t care about me, so why should I run after him?
Eventually, I exited the building.
Out of breath, I saw Jamal looking down the street, seeming like he wanted to locate a taxi. I stood on the curb as he stepped onto the street to stop an approaching taxi.
The car stopped, and Jamal got inside it. I stepped towards the door, and the driver looked at me while Jamal sat in the middle of the backseat. As I stepped inside, he shifted to the window, looking straight ahead. The taxi driver smiled at me.
I looked at Jamal, and he sat with his legs spread apart, rubbing his lips as he rested his elbow on the door. He looked like a proud businessman who had closed a deal and thought about the next one. His demeanour made me feel like I was just another conquest.
The driver stopped in front of my building, and I asked him for the fare. Jamal didn’t offer to chip in, never mind pay for the trip. I thought he would continue the ride to his place, but he got out and walked away without saying a word. I felt completely used.
I walked into my apartment, placed my handbag on the counter and slumped onto the couch, exhaling a wounded sigh.
Although the rooftop experience was sexy and should’ve been the highlight of my life, Jamal’s reaction completely marred the entire ordeal.
My phone rang. Oh, God, what now? I thought it was Jamal, probably wanting to lend money that he would likely never pay back. It was Ernie.
“Hey, beautiful. How’ve you been?”
“I’m okay,” I said sadly.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’s been a long day. I’m worn out.”
“Aah, I see. Maybe I can revitalise your mood.”
“How?”
“I was hoping you’d join me for dinner at the new steak and grill restaurant that opened on Main. Apparently, the food is great, and I can order us a bottle of their finest bubbly.”
I don’t know why, but hearing the word bubbly made me keen to accept Ernie’s invitation. Maybe it was because my soul begged for healing.
Ernie arrived two hours later and knocked on my door. I opened it, and he smiled at me, holding a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. He handed them to me, and I turned my cheek for him to peck.
“You look absolutely stunning,” he said.
I didn’t feel that way, but I was glad to hear it.
At the car, he opened the door for me and held my hand as I got in.
After opening the door at the restaurant, Ernie pulled the chair out and then tucked it in as I sat. He let me order first and reminded me of how dashing I looked. The more I thought about his actions, the more I considered him to be a leader. He picked the restaurant and relieved me of any responsibility for the evening. Those are qualities a real man embodies.
He picked a premium champagne brand and then poured me a glass. He took care of everything. I didn’t have to lift a finger.
After dinner, we walked along the pier, ice-cream cups in hand. Ernie asked questions about me and looked genuinely interested in my responses. I did most of the talking, and he smiled more than I did. I still felt the aftermath of the dreadful encounter with Jamal, but I tried my best to seem upbeat.
When I met Ernie, I considered myself to be out of his league. But as he shattered his shell and stepped out of it to express his confidence, I felt unworthy of his kindness.
At my front door, Ernie told me that he had a great time with me and wanted to see me again. I flashed a brief smile and tucked my head in between my shoulders, opening my door without saying a word.
So many words flooded my mind that I didn’t know which one to pick. I considered confessing to him about my encounter with Jamal and asking him if he felt the same about me. I also wanted to tell him that he was better off without me, but I wanted to leave the door open to our relationship. There was always a possibility that I would decide to be with him.
For the next few days, Ernie called me daily. I ignored all his calls while I decided how I felt about him. I had strong feelings for him, but I wasn’t certain that we could be together. He may not ask me about my past, but I would feel a responsibility to tell him. I don’t think I could handle his reaction to my promiscuous behaviour, especially because I chose to indulge in it after meeting him. That would hurt him.
Ernie called relentlessly throughout the following weeks and months. I thought that my decision to ignore him was ultimately good for him, but it hurt me terribly. On numerous occasions, I wanted to pick up the phone and ask for his forgiveness, but just thinking about looking into his eyes and confessing made me reconsider it.
About a year later, I was walking in a mall and saw Ernie from a distance. My heart dropped into my stomach. I thought that I would have a panic attack on the spot, so I dashed in the opposite direction. The further I escaped, the safer I felt.
I was scrolling through Facebook two years after that incident, and Ernie popped up as a friend suggestion. I wondered how Facebook knew about my relation to him. I clicked on his profile and saw his wife and children in photos.
Tears pooled in my eyes, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. That could’ve been me. It would’ve been me if I had made wiser decisions. His wife looked lovely and so did his children. I was happy for him, and I felt proud of myself for letting go of the love of my life. Unfortunately, he never returned to me.