“Woohoo!” I exclaimed with my fist raised above my head, my other arm tightly around Travis’s abdomen. He swerved left and right, probably attempting to frighten me, but I felt safe with him.
He straightened out the bike and twisted the throttle. I latched onto him with the other arm as well and cuddled up to him as he increased the speed significantly. I looked over his shoulder at the speed gauge and saw the needle approach the two hundred kilometre mark. I knew he was a maverick, but I didn’t know to what extent.
The cars we passed seemed to be standing still. Everything in my peripheral vision flashed by so fast that I felt compelled to keep looking ahead or we would crash.
I dared not blink, and my chest felt clogged up because I held my breath. Any slight movement would tip us over, at least, that’s what it felt like. Sure, that sounds ridiculous now, but my fear made it seem logical.
The red light seemed distant, but we reached it in mere seconds. Travis slowed down, and oxygen entered my lungs. I needed a breather and wished for the light not to change for some time. Everything happened so fast that I didn’t have a second to process it.
He revved the engine, prompting me to brace for more high-speed travel. We pulled off, and I felt the force nudge me back slightly. I clutched onto Travis’s leather jacket and closed my eyes.
I felt that defeated the purpose of the ride, so I peered, hoping that would alleviate my fear. Looking at the gauge was not an option. My heart could not handle it.
Travis didn’t seem phased at all by the speed. That made him even hotter. Although I was terrified, I wanted to jump his bones. There was nothing hotter to me than a fearless man in peril.
We reached the cabin in a few minutes. It would’ve taken me about half an hour in my car. But everything moved fast with Travis.
He kissed me the night that we met at the waterfront. I took selfies by the railing, wanting to capture the moon reflecting on the water, with the skyscrapers in the background and the railway bridge lights alternating.
Travis approached me and said that he would take a picture of me. I thought that was sweet of him. After he snapped a few pictures, he asked if I wanted more. I didn’t want to seem self-absorbed, so I thanked him for his kindness.
We spoke for several minutes on the pier before he asked me to join him for a drink.
After drinks, we sat on a park bench, our legs brushing. I must admit that I was horny. When he leaned in to kiss me, I closed my eyes and felt his stubble prick my face. I enjoyed his soft lips. He surprised me when he slid his tongue into my mouth and placed his hand on my leg, then slid it up to my thigh.
Although I thought he was pushing his luck, I was curious to see how far he would take it.
Surprisingly, he pulled back a few seconds later. I thought he would try to be all over me. Instead, he made me wonder if he didn’t like my kiss. Maybe my breath smelt. Oh, God. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that hot curry.
It turned out that Travis was playing games with me. Standing in front of my building, we looked at each other, smiling. He told me that I was beautiful and he didn’t want to take his eyes off me.
“I think I should escort you up to your apartment,” he said.
I nodded, smiling.
I’m not sure what got into me, but I invited him inside. Maybe I was curious to see how much Travis would push his luck. We made out on the couch, and then he scooped me into his arms and took me to the bedroom. I should’ve objected, but I got carried away in the moment. It was all his fault. He was the instigator, and I merely went along for the ride. And what a ride it was.
Travis banged me so hard that, on several occasions, I thought I was going to blank out, only to be revived by his incessant thumping of my vaginal walls.
He told me to lie on my side, and he banged me from behind while having a firm grip on my neck. My face flushed, and I struggled to breathe. When he increased the pace, my whole body shook uncontrollably to the point of convulsion.
Travis finished on my face. Sleeping with me that night was cheeky of him, but the facial was slightly overboard.
Initially, his habit of pushing the boundaries irked me, but I grew to love it. After all, a real man doesn’t ask for permission. He goes after what he wants without consideration for others. That sounds selfish, but Travis taught me that everyone should put themselves first.
Before the ride to the cabin, I told him not to speed. He said, “Yeah, of course.”
I should’ve known that he wasn’t going to listen to me. Travis does what Travis wants.
At the cabin, we had a few beers before deciding to walk through the forest. The tree trunks were the width of three massive fridges and reached heights of residential complexes.
I would’ve been terrified of a bear stepping out from behind a tree if I had been alone. But being with Travis made me feel that he would shield me from a dragon.
We walked for a few minutes before Travis asked me if I would give him a blow job. I thought he was joking, but I should’ve known better.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. There’s no one here. This will be our special experience. Think about it, when have you done something this spontaneous?”
“I don’t know.”
“You need to let your hair down, girl,” he said, raking his fingers through my ponytail.
I looked around nervously to see if anyone was in the vicinity. The coast was clear, but I worried about cameras in trees. I know that sounded crazy, but surveillance is everywhere these days, especially in places one least expects.
“Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. We’re the only ones here,” said Travis.
I got on my knees and unzipped his pants. While rubbing his dick over his jocks, I scanned the perimeter. I pulled out his dick and sucked it. He grabbed my head with both hands and murmured.
After the blow job, he told me to lean against the tree. I arched my back and stretched my arms above my head, my ass sticking out. He grabbed my waist, stuck his dick into my pussy and thrust.
I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and moaned intermittently. Having sex outside felt kinky. I was slightly worried about being arrested for public indecency, but I liked Travis’s boldness. He’d concocted a wild idea when I least expected it.
We banged for a few minutes, and then he pulled his dick out and unloaded on my ass. He picked up a leaf off the ground and used it to wipe his semen off my ass.
Travis cupped my face and smooched me. I felt that was his way of thanking me for indulging him in his spontaneity. I looked forward to more adventures with him.
At the cabin, he made a barbecue while I prepared a potato salad. Eating together made me feel like we were a couple. We hadn’t made it official, but I wish he would. In my heart, he was my boyfriend. I hoped that he felt the same.
While lying in bed, Travis stuck his dick into me and pumped me. He did as he pleased, and I had gotten used to that. After sex, it would’ve been nice for him to compliment me. After seeing each other for a few weeks, he hadn’t even told me that I’m beautiful. I assumed he felt that way because he banged me, but he never said it.
In the morning, Travis stepped into the shower to join me. We banged in the same position that I was in against the tree. The sex was great, but I yearned for him to make love to me. I wanted our bodies to ignite passion and fuel it with our burning desire for each other.
I craved seeing love in his eyes for me and hearing him profess his uncontrollable desire to smother me with kisses.
Maybe I asked for too much early into our relationship, if I could even call it that.
On Sunday afternoon, we headed back home. I had work in the morning, so I wanted to rest for a few hours at home.
When Travis dropped me off, he asked to escort me upstairs. I smiled and told him that I needed some rest. His sombre expression showed me that he wasn’t happy about my response. Perhaps he felt rejected, which isn’t a bad thing. I also need to establish boundaries, and Travis has to respect them.
I expected a call from him on Monday to tell me that he enjoyed his weekend with me. But he didn’t call. No call on Tuesday either, nor for the rest of the week. I figured that my rejection had upset him.
On Friday, I called him.
“Hey, how are you? I haven’t heard from you all week,” I said.
“I’ve been busy.”
“With?”
“Work and stuff.”
He never told me explicitly what he did, and when I brought up the topic when we met, he seemed defensive. So I let it go. All I knew was that he did odd mechanical jobs on motorbikes. I presumed that he earned enough money to support himself.
“Okay. It’s good that you’re keeping busy. I thought you may have had a minute to call me,” I giggled awkwardly.
Sternly, Travis said, “I told you that I was busy.”
“Right. Sorry. I was just hoping to hear from you.”
He remained silent, making me feel awkward. I added, “I don’t want to bother you, so I’ll let you get back to work.”
I thought about our conversation and the way Travis made me feel. Clearly, he was still upset with me. I felt stupid for apologising to him because I hadn’t done anything wrong. He should’ve been flattered that I wanted to hear from him and the courtesy I extended of calling him.
Our call was on my mind for the next few hours. At one point, I considered calling him to apologise. I wasn’t certain about what to apologise for, but I thought it would extinguish the friction between us.
I wanted to see him, and I hoped that he felt the same.
On Saturday, I sent him a message to wish him a good morning. He responded two hours later. I hoped that he had been asleep, but my intuition told me that he was still angry with me.
I made sandwiches, a fruit salad and baked cookies. After packing a basket, I put it into my boot and drove to Travis’s place.
My heartbeat sped up after I rang his doorbell because I was uncertain of how he would react to my unexpected visit. I hoped that he would appreciate my effort and spontaneity. I knew he liked that.
He opened the door and frowned. I smiled and waited for him to say something. He remained silent, so I said, “Hi.”
“What are you doing here?”
I raised the basket and said, “I thought you would be hungry, so I brought over some food.”
He stared at the basket for a few seconds and then looked at me, seeming confused. Travis rubbed his eyes and then glided his hand over his shaved hair.
“Okay.”
I hoped that he would invite me inside, but he kept looking at me.
“I thought we could go to the park, talk and enjoy the sandwiches.”
His hand glided over his hair, and then he asked, “Why?”
I thought that was a strange question to ask, but I realised that he was looking for ways to avoid spending time with me.
“Travis, I’m trying really hard to make amends. To be honest, I’m not even sure what I did wrong. Whatever it is, I want to make it up to you.”
He stared at the basket for a few seconds and then looked inside the house. “All right. I guess we can have a bite.”
The look over his shoulder made me believe that he remembered he didn’t have any food in the house and opted to go with me only because of the sandwiches. Alas, I achieved what I set out to do.
At the park, Travis took a bite of the sandwich, chewed it quickly and bit off some more. I saw that he enjoyed it, so I remained silent.
After he finished the sandwich, I handed him bottled water. He took two sips, and I handed him another sandwich. He unwrapped the plastic and bit into the sandwich. I smiled, relieved that he enjoyed them. I ate only one and left the other two for Travis.
He ate one of them and asked if I wanted the last one. I shook my head, smiling, and then took it out of the basket, unwrapped the plastic and handed it to him.
“Thanks. These are really good,” he said.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying them.”
Mom told me numerous times that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
After Travis finished the sandwich, I took a serviette out of the basket and dabbed it on the corners of his lips. He smiled at me, and I reciprocated.
“Was there something in particular that you wanted to talk about?” he asked.
“Everything’s fine. I just wanted to see you and spend time with you.”
“Well, here we are.”
“I enjoy your company, Travis. Being with you makes me happy.”
“Cool.”
I hoped that he would elaborate, but I understood that most men found it difficult to express their feelings.
“How do you feel about me?” I asked.
“You’re a cool chick. We have a good time.”
“Okay, that’s a start. Have you thought about us in the future?”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’m hoping that we continue to spend time together, but eventually, it will lead to something more serious than just hanging out and having sex.”
“We’ll roll with the flow and see how it goes.”
Travis’s blasé attitude about our future made me despondent. I was serious about him, but I felt like he viewed me as a toy to play with until it entertained him, and then he would move on to the next one.
I wanted to tell him that I wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but I wasn’t sure if he considered our engagement as a relationship.
After spending time at the park, we walked back to Travis’s place. I escorted him to be polite and not because I wanted to sleep with him. He invited me into his place, and I wanted to reject his offer politely, but I knew he would be mad. So I went inside. We had sex. It was great, but I wished that Travis would treat me like his girlfriend, not a prostitute.
The following day, I didn’t get a text from him to thank me for the sandwiches and to say that he enjoyed my time with him. I guess I was stupid for thinking he would send it.
For the next few days, I battled with my mind to prevent thoughts of Travis from entering it. I lost. Thoughts about him touching me and looking deeply into my eyes subjugated me and conquered all the land in my head.
I wasn’t oblivious to his flaws, but he was different from all the other men I had met. He was masculine, care-free and not clingy. The other men would shower me with compliments and spoil me with gifts. Sure, those were nice, but I felt that they would let me walk all over them.
Travis wouldn’t give me an inch to step out of line. He didn’t buy me a gift or compliment me. I yearned for his approval. I think he knew that and withheld it to assert control over me.
Usually, I went for men who prospered financially and had established careers. I wasn’t sure that Travis had achieved either. I got the impression that he did odd jobs to make ends meet.
Despite that, I longed for him more than any other man. My feelings may have been irrational, but I couldn’t change them. My heart didn’t want to negotiate. It would’ve been easier for me to forget about Travis and be with a man who pursued me, but that wouldn’t have made me happy.
For the first time in my life, I pursued a guy. I think that’s one of the factors that differentiated Travis from the other men. I chased after him because he didn’t chase after me. I wish he would court me, but then I might lose attraction for him.
The next day, I texted Travis to ask him about his weekend plans. He responded a few hours later, telling me that he was free. I was excited because I felt there was a chance he would spend the weekend with me.
I told him that I would make pasta if he came over to my place. After reading the message I sent, I slapped my forehead, realising that it sounded like an invitation for sex.
He said that he could visit me on Sunday afternoon. I clenched my fist, smiling.
On Sunday, I realised that Travis hadn’t specified a time. I texted him to find out what time he would come over. He didn’t reply. I worried that he had changed his mind about visiting me for lunch.
At two o’clock, I texted him again. No reply. I slumped onto my couch, exhaled a deep breath and crossed my arms. My foot tapped as I wondered what I should do. What could I do? Once again, I was emotionally at his mercy, and he could pull the strings as he pleased.
At half past three, I heard a motorbike hooter outside. I leapt out of the couch and scuttled to the balcony. Travis looked up at me and gestured that I should come down.
Knowing that we were going for a ride, I yanked my jacket off the hanger, snatched the keys off the counter and pulled the door to lock it.
“Come on, come on,” I said, watching the elevator climb the floors.
Eventually, it reached me, and I stepped inside it. I gritted my teeth in the mirror to spot any marks. None. Perfect. I raked my fingers through my hair, brushing it to the side. Even if I said so myself, I looked gorgeous.
In front of the building, Travis pulled off his helmet, and we kissed.
“Do you wanna come inside?” I asked.
“Is the pasta waiting for me?” he asked, grinning.
“Of course.”
“Let’s go for a ride, and we can eat afterwards.”
He handed me a helmet, and I got onto the bike. Travis revved the bike loudly, making me believe that I was in for quite a ride.
We pulled off, and Travis sped through a yellow light and then increased the speed. I gripped his leather jacket, and the bottom of my helmet brushed his shoulder. I felt that we were riding faster than the previous time. I wanted to tell him to slow down, but I knew he couldn’t hear me, not that he would listen even if he heard me.
I gulped, watching the red needle approach two hundred and twenty. Luckily, we were on the highway, but I felt that the speed was too fast for him to react safely if needed. I gulped as my heart bashed against my chest.
My mouth dried, and I licked my lips. I wanted the ride to be over. I wanted to tap Travis on the shoulder and gesture to him to slow down, but I feared it might distract him, and we could be in an accident.
Riding down the hill and looking into the distance, I saw a white car swerve into our lane and then back into its lane. I had a bad feeling about it, so I released Travis’s jacket with my right hand and gestured for him to slow down. He kept looking ahead, but I knew he saw my gesture and chose to ignore me.
I wanted to believe that he foresaw potential danger, but he was naive to believe that he had everything under control.
At the speed that we travelled, covering a hundred metres probably took a second. My focus was on the white car, but I wasn’t certain that Travis paid attention to it.
I extended my arm in front of his face and pointed at the car. He tilted his head slightly and then looked straight. I felt that he had downplayed my warning.
The car’s right tires were on the lane that separated us. As we got closer to it, the driver swerved into our lane. Travis squeezed the brake lever, and we barely slowed down before smashing into the boot.
I recall flying over the car in a somersault.
The doctor told me that I was in a coma for two weeks. When I woke up, I peered, my vision blurry and my eyelids heavy. I wanted to close them and go back to sleep, but I feared never waking up again.
My head felt like it supported a pile of bricks, and the rest of my body was stiff. Parting my lips to lick them required great effort.
I wanted to stretch, but I couldn’t even move a finger. Every part of my body ached, and I desired a massage. But I felt that a slight poke of my body would be excruciatingly painful.
I was grateful to be alive, yet I saw no purpose to life in that state. Thinking about the accident infuriated me, but I had only myself to blame. I knew that Travis was reckless and refused to listen to warnings. He played by his own rules, which endangered those around him. I knew all of that, yet I still desired his company.
I felt safe with him because I believed that he would protect me. But his priority was protecting his ego. Not listening to others and pushing the boundaries made him feel in control. He felt that he was in charge, yet he didn’t even have a full-time income. He wasn’t in control of his life. I can’t believe that I trusted him with mine.
I should’ve trusted my gut and not ignored all the warnings. But I sought fun, adventure and love. I thought Travis would offer me all of those, but he didn’t even offer one.
Mom taught me that everything is a blessing in disguise, especially tragic events. I never understood that until now. I needed common sense to be knocked into my head, perhaps literally, before I realised that a decent guy who is mentally and financially stable is exactly what I need.
Sure, they aren’t as exciting as the Travis types, but I can count on them to look out for my own best interests and never place me in danger.
After I recover from the accident, I’m not even certain what I’ll look like. The guys I deemed to be boring, predictable and pushovers may be out of my league. I may be lucky to end up with any guy.
At least, I learnt my lesson. I just hope that it wasn’t too late.
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