My blurry vision cleared as I kept peering. I raised my eyebrows, wanting to widen my eyes to improve my sight. My heavy eyelids fought me all the way. I struggled to keep my eyes open, but I felt that it was the only option to stay alive. Closing them could be a fatal mistake.
My stiff neck and shoulders prevented me from turning my head. The rest of my body felt numb.
“Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Winston, you’re awake.”
The most beautiful woman in the world cupped my face, tears pooling in her eyes. She trembled as tears slid down her scrunched face. I wanted to reach out and console her, but I had no feeling in my arms. She raked the hair from my forehead and pressed her face against mine, whimpering.
I desperately wanted to tell her to stop crying. Nothing hurt me more than seeing her in pain. Stretching my lips was painful, and admiring her beauty left my brain jumbled with countless words to describe how I felt about her.
“Winston, how are you feeling? Are you okay, my love?”
An angel like her, calling me her love, healed all the pain I felt and fuelled me with more strength than I had ever had.
I briefly closed my eyes and barely nodded. I’m not sure if I managed to move my head at all.
As I opened my eyes, Diane smiled as tears coursed down her cheeks. How could a woman be so beautiful? Even more baffling was, what did I do to deserve her by my side?
She sat on the bed beside me, gently stroking my chest, smiling. I wanted to wipe the tear sliding down her face and tell her how much I loved her, but shame prevented me from speaking. I didn’t feel worthy of talking to Diane because I had completely ruined our marriage and possibly our lives. Yet, she remained by my side. How could I feel worthy of such kindness?
“How are you feeling? Are you okay?” she asked.
My lips curled slightly as my eyes narrowed.
“Oh, thank God. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
I felt that I betrayed her again by not talking. That was the least that she deserved. A thank you would not even begin to show my appreciation. She deserved lavish gifts, exotic vacations and anything she desired. But most of all, she deserved a great man. Unfortunately, that wasn’t me. She could do much better than me. She deserved more than I could offer. A lifetime of repenting could not make up for the pain that I caused her. How could she forgive me for causing her so much pain?
As she rested her head on my chest and stroked my arm, I muttered, “Diane.”
She raised her head off my chest and looked at me. “Yes, my love?” she said, her eyes glistening.
I looked at her for several seconds, trying to summon the courage to continue speaking. My voice would’ve been shaky if I had the strength to speak. Luckily, I could hide my shame behind my condition.
“I love you,” I whispered.
Diane cupped my face and dabbed her lips gently against mine to avoid hurting me. She was incapable of malice. Everything about her was pure and wholesome.
“I love you, too. I’m so glad that you’re okay.”
I wasn’t okay. I wanted to close my eyes and drift off into an endless sleep. But I couldn’t be that selfish. Diane had stayed by my side the whole time. God knows how long I was unconscious. I had to fight to stay alive to make up for all the pain that I caused, even if she decided to leave me. I felt that I owed her lavish gifts and a luxurious retirement. Although she deserved more, I doubted that she would accept anything. The only wish she had was for our family to be together, happy and healthy.
I knew that she would never forget my infidelity, and I accepted her not forgiving me. Every day, I would regret hurting her and almost tearing apart my family. The success I achieved and the money I obtained went to my head. I thought I deserved everything I wanted, and I expected those I loved to understand that. How foolish of me. They didn’t owe me anything, and the last thing they deserved was to be victims of my selfishness. I would rather hurt myself than them.
The doctor walked in. He raised his eyebrows, making me believe that he was surprised I had regained consciousness. How long was I out for?
Diane stood at the bedside as he examined me.
After the examination, he gestured that she should follow him. At the door, he spoke softly to her and then left. I assumed that his observation was unfavourable.
Diane walked up to me and curled her lips. I sensed that she tried to hide her anxiety. She grabbed my hand and rubbed it. What did the doctor say to her? I mean, I’m awake. Surely, that’s better than being unconscious?
“Everything’s going to be fine,” said Diane.
Oh, no. That’s what one says before revealing bad news. What could be wrong with me besides my flawed character?
“I’m coming back in a few minutes. I’m just going to the bathroom,” said Diane before she pecked my cheek.
I assumed that she stepped out to call our family and inform them of the doctor’s findings.
My heavy eyelids lowered. I desperately wanted to close them. I felt tremendous exhaustion that overpowered me to surrender to it. Closing my eyes to rest would’ve felt like pure bliss. But my fear of never waking up again stimulated me to keep them open.
Diane returned a few minutes later. I was uncertain of how to interpret her mood. She seemed composed while desperately fighting to keep from falling apart.
She rubbed my hand and flashed a quick smile, revealing her pity for me. I sensed that she didn’t want to talk about her mood, so I stared into her sparkling green eyes and smiled. She was as beautiful as the day we met.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” said Diane.
That made me more worried. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t selfish. I worried about how my wife and children would live without me. They would survive financially for a few years after inheriting all of my assets, but the money would run out. I worked hard so that Diane wouldn’t need to work and could use all her time to attend to the children.
I have to pull through this, whatever it is. There’s no way I can let my family down again. Oh, God. I hope Diane hasn’t told the children about my affair. Just stay calm, Winston. Your wife needs you to keep it together. You can’t be the reason that she falls apart again.
Falling asleep was not an option. But how long could I stay awake? Diane was counting on me to be strong. She could teach me. God knows how long she was by my side while I was unconscious. Yet, she never gave up on me.
“How long was I asleep for?” I whispered.
Diane closed her eyes briefly, curled her lips and shook her head. I wondered why she didn’t want to tell me. Surely, I wasn’t out for a few weeks? Or was I?
“I’ll be back shortly,” said Diane.
After she stepped out of the room, I stared out of the window. Sunlight reflected off the glass building as the clear-blue sky draped over the bustling streets.
My tongue slid through my parched mouth and licked my dry lips. I would’ve killed for a Coke. My rumbling stomach made me wonder when I last ate. A lasagne, topped off with a Coke, would’ve tasted heavenly.
Diane returned with a plastic cup in hand. She pulled a chair by the bedside and sipped her coffee.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“There’s nothing that you should be sorry about.”
“How long have you been here?”
She remained silent for a few seconds before answering, “For a few hours.”
Maybe today. But what about all the other hours she spent by my side? How could I ever repay her? Did such a gift even exist? I felt that the best present was relieving her of her duties as my wife. She deserved a much better husband. But I knew that she would not accept such a proposal.
“I love you more than anything in this world,” I said.
She placed her coffee on the nightstand and pressed her hand on my face. “I love you, too, so much. You’re my everything.”
I would’ve felt that my life was complete if I had died in that moment. I had everything I ever wanted and wished to enjoy it for many more years, but I struggled to accept that I deserved those blessings.
“Be strong. We need you,” Diane added.
“For you and the kids, I’ll do anything.”
“Good.” She raked her fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead.
I swore to God that I would repent for the rest of my days if he honoured me with the privilege of staying alive so that I could look after my family.
As Diane kept her face close to mine, I thought about the summer of ’89. We had gotten engaged and decided to spend the weekend at a cabin in a forest, two hours outside the city.
The getaway served as a celebration of our love and of spending the rest of our lives together. I recall being happier than ever before. Diane had planned river rafting, strolling through the woods, climbing the mountain and plenty of sightseeing. We spent most of the weekend in bed, making love.
I kissed every inch of her body, taking my time to ensure that I hadn’t missed a spot. My lips pressed against her silky skin, making me eager to overpower her with my body. I restrained myself, wanting the pleasure to last as long as possible.
As my lips glided over her body and our eyes met, I remember feeling the epitome of love. Diane’s gaze made me feel like the only man in the world. She accepted me for the way I am and had no desire to change me. The only other person who felt the same was my mother.
Diane was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and I felt like the luckiest man in the world. My body pressed against her soft skin, and I ran my hands up her legs as she raised them. God, she looked magnificent. I desperately wanted to stick my dick inside of her and explode, but I reminded myself that there was no need to rush. All in good time.
My lips pecked her abs and left a trail of kisses all the way to her pussy. I fiddled with her clitoris and watched her close her eyes and part her lips before she emitted a deep, guttural moan. Hearing her satisfaction motivated me to fuel her with more of it.
I lay in front of her and licked her pussy. She clenched my wrist and swayed her head from one side to the other, as though she was possessed. My tongue rattled in all directions, moistening her further. My dick grew harder, hastening me to stick it inside of her. But I refrained from doing that.
I raised my head and saw her open her eyes. She must’ve wondered why I had stopped. But she knew that I enjoyed toying with her, even during intimacy. Although she hated my push-pull tactics, she accepted my immaturity. I had never heard her complain about it, but her facial expressions showed that it bothered her.
My two fingers entered her pussy. Her eyes remained open, showing me that she wanted me to resume the licking. My tongue swiped left and right, then entered her hole. She clenched a fist full of my hair and contracted her muscles.
I continued licking her for several minutes, making her arch her back with the techniques that I used. As I got off the bed and stood up, Diane sat up and shifted to the edge of the bed. She grabbed my dick, leaned forward and stuck it into her mouth. Her bobbing was slow, but her sucking was sloppy—just the way I liked it.
I put my hand on top of her head and pulled her towards me every time she bobbed forward. The tip of my dick poked deep into her throat several times. I loved hearing her gurgle on my dick and seeing saliva froth at the corner of her mouth.
Diane preferred to receive pleasure, so she lay on her back. Standing in front of the bed, I clutched her legs and slowly shifted my dick towards her pussy. My tip grazed her crotch and then hung over her pubes, gently brushing them.
“Are you gonna stick it in or make me suffer?” asked Diane.
I chuckled. She knew the game that I played.
With a gentle nudge, I inserted my dick inside her. I started with slow thrusts, but then swiftly sped up. Diane’s moans intensified as I banged her harder. Several times, I slowed the thrusts as my load nearly shot out.
Diane looked so hot in doggy style. I loved spanking her ass, seeing it wobble slightly. I ran my hands up her back as her ass bounced off me, and I grabbed her ponytail and tugged it. Hearing her screech made me smirk.
“Oh, yeah. You know what daddy likes,” I said.
“Give it to me, daddy.”
“With pleasure.”
I ramped up the thrusting, drilling her pussy like I was eager to cum. She sputtered screams and begged me to continue at the rapid pace.
Unexpectedly, I twitched and groaned as my load shot out. It kept spilling out, making me believe that I hadn’t cum that much before.
I panted after the last drop of sperm entered Diane. God, that felt amazing. That was the best sex I’ve ever had. Perhaps it was the location and the setting. Maybe it was the occasion. I think my satisfaction stemmed from being with the love of my life.
Diane rested her head on my chest, and I caressed her hair. She murmured as she closed her eyes and fell asleep. I couldn’t help but admire her. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I recall wondering what I had done to deserve such a perfect angel.
Diane woke up three hours later and smiled as she saw me in the kitchen, making her food. She walked up behind me and wrapped her hands around my stomach, then kissed my neck and shoulders. I had never felt more loved than in that moment. It’s as if her kisses were appreciation for my gesture.
We made love numerous times during the weekend, forgetting about the planned activities because we were preoccupied with each other’s bodies, minds and souls. We felt like one. Diane knew what I was thinking before I expressed it. My intuition about her wasn’t as powerful, but she ensured that I knew what she was thinking by telling me. She had no filter about expressing her desires.
The sunset slowly dipped behind the mountain as we drove back on Sunday night. The verdant valleys stretched for kilometres, and the blue sky hovered over the rugged mountains. But even more beautiful than the scenery was Diane. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
Smiling, she asked, “What?”
“You. You’re unbelievably beautiful.”
Her smile stretched further.
“Keep your eyes on the road, mister,” she said, playfully.
I looked at the road, yet I couldn’t help but glance at her. She smiled almost every time.
In front of her building, in the car, I kept smooching her and telling her how beautiful she was. She told me several times that she had to go inside and get ready for work the following day, but I wouldn’t let her go.
About half an hour later, I reluctantly pulled back, enabling her to slip out of the car.
During the drive home, I texted her that I loved her. She replied, ‘Don’t drive and text.’
Huh, women—you can never fully please them. If I hadn’t texted her, she would’ve complained about me neglecting her.
At home, I thought about our lovemaking. I couldn’t help but jerk off. My fantasy was almost as satisfying as the reality.
As I reminisce about that period, I try to open my eyes to look at Diane. I want to tell her that I love her so much and thank her for staying by my side. For some reason, I can’t open my eyes. I feel that I’m awake, but I can’t see Diane. I can’t hear her. Silence surrounds me.
I try to call out her name, but no sound comes out of my mouth. I feel trapped; darkness surrounds me. I’m isolated from the person who means the most to me. I can’t live without her. What is happening?
Will I ever awake from this nightmare?