Magical places such as the Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, the Grand Canyon in Arizona and the hundred other global locations I’ve visited have built up an impressive collage of my memories. Being exposed to different cultures and mindsets has shaped my view of the world and people.
I’ve been fortunate to make a great living remotely by renting out three apartments for overnight stays that I rented long-term. It started as a side hustle and developed into a full-time income, enabling me to travel.
At the age of forty, I decided to return home and find a husband. It was time for me to settle down and have children. Although I yearned for a family, I still dedicated a ton of time to going out with my bestie, Jacqueline. She was such a doll. Whenever I felt lonely, she agreed to go out with me. She was also single until she met Ryan.
They welcomed a baby girl three months ago. I was happy for them but secretly jealous. Not only did she have the life I wanted, but she no longer had time to go out with me. Of course, I understood that she prioritised her family, but I wish that she had made more time for me. Oh, well.
Going out by myself was unappealing, so I resorted to dating apps. How I wish I hadn’t. The pool of men I could choose from consisted of divorced men in their fifties to late twenty-year-old “men” who lived with their mothers.
I gave such a guy a chance, hoping that he would not fit the stereotype. Everything about him was typical of a mamma’s boy. He expected me to cook and got annoyed when I said that watching movies was boring and that I wanted to travel.
I tried to make it work with him, but he wouldn’t change.
Another man I went out with was fifty-five years old, divorced and had three children. He didn’t expect children from me, but I wanted my own.
I can’t remember his name, but I recall that he was a gentleman. He paid for the dinner bill, took me to ballet and bought me flowers and perfume. I made it clear that I would not cook for him, and he didn’t object. On paper, he seemed perfect. But I didn’t feel a spark between us.
Next was Julio. He was an amazing dancer. On our first date, he took me to a salsa class. I loved the way his body moved, and I knew that I’d sleep with him that night. The sex was amazing, just as I had predicted. He flipped me over numerous times, slapped me, choked me, told me that I was a slut and that I deserved a good spanking. I loved our night together. Pity that he never contacted me after that. I texted him twice, but he never responded. Why is it that the good ones always get away?
I spent the last two weekends alone. A part of me had given up on dating. The quality of available men has drastically deteriorated since my twenties. What in the world is going on these days? All I want is a man my age who will adore me and think that I’m the best thing since sliced bread. Surely that’s not too much to ask for?
I switched off the television and sighed. Hopelessness was exasperating. To clear my mind, I walked along the waterfront. I frowned when I saw a man in his late forties walking with a floozy half his age. Yuck. What did he see in her?
I saw a few couples in their early thirties, some dining at a restaurant and a few were pushing strollers. I so badly wished to have children. They’re adorable. I felt that they would complete me.
I sat on the stairs by the pier and gazed at the lights on the bridge reflecting onto the water. An old boat passed under the bridge and sailed away.
Thinking about my disastrous dating life saddened me. I wondered where I had gone wrong. Maybe it wasn’t me. It must be men. There just aren’t any good ones available. They’re either gay or taken. Sigh. What a life! I’ve seen the world, had my fun and now that I want to settle down to fulfil my life, suitable men are out of sight.
It was different when I was younger. They fawned over me, ran after me down the road to tell me that I’m beautiful and begged to take me out. In the last decade, it seems that the world has completely changed.
Where do I go? What do I do? This is my life we’re talking about. There’s nothing more serious than this. For the first time, I felt lost, alone and confused. What was I supposed to do?
I got the urge to call Jacqueline for advice, but I changed my mind because I knew that she was with her family and I didn’t want to disturb her. Truth be told, I would’ve felt more miserable if she hadn’t answered because that would confirm my loneliness. I held onto hope that she and I were close, but it dwindled.
I was uncertain about which option was worse—staying at the waterfront and involuntarily living vicariously through the people I envied or returning to an empty apartment.
I opted for a walk, hoping that the litter in my mind would dump itself. It seemed to get more polluted as I saw several happy couples. I wanted to run off, but I knew that would make me seem like a lunatic. Instead, I opted for a coffee a my favourite cafe. A cappuccino always did wonders for my mental health.
As I sipped it, a man approached my table and asked to sit. Okay, that was weird. He was confident, so I went along with it. Nothing about his words made him appealing, but he oozed confidence. It’s like he didn’t care if he impressed me or not.
I filled the gaps in the conversation that he dominated. He revealed the basic things about himself and left me wondering who he was. Something about him drew me in and tugged at my heartstrings to get to know him more.
He was a mystery, and I yearned to see him again. He told me his name was Carlos, and he took my number before he left.
I smiled, feeling rejuvenated about my love life. Maybe hope existed.
The following day, Carlos didn’t call. I figured he was busy or didn’t want to seem desperate by calling the day after we met.
Two days later, still no call. Okay, that was slightly annoying.
On the third day, I want to give him a piece of my mind if he called, but he didn’t. That infuriated me further.
I completely gave up hope on the fourth day and wanted to curse the dating gods. How dare they instill hope in me and then pull the rug under my feet?
My phone rang on Sunday night—unidentified caller.
“Oh, hi, Carlos. What a surprise. I haven’t heard from you.”
“I was busy, but I had a moment now so I thought we could grab a drink.”
“Now? But it’s almost 8 pm. Such short notice?”
“What’s life without spontaneity?”
I smiled. “You’re right. Sure, I’m down for it.”
“I’ll come pick you up in half an hour.”
I waited almost an hour for Carlos, but it was worth it. He made me laugh, and I allowed him to touch my face and other places. We had a connection, so physicality escalated sooner than I let other men enjoy that privilege.
Carlos took me back to my place and made the first move. He slid his hand in between my legs and rubbed my pussy over my leggings. I spread my legs wider and reclined. He knelt on the floor and pulled off my leggings before licking my pussy.
A few minutes later, I was on my hands and knees, and he blew my back out. God, he was amazing. I sucked his dick, which is something I don’t enjoy doing. But he liked it so I kept going for about twenty minutes.
After he came on my face, I took a shower. When I stepped out, Carlos was gone. That was hurtful. I hoped he would spend the night instead of making me feel like I was good for only one thing.
No call from Carlos the following day to tell me he enjoyed our time together. That was the least he could’ve done.
He didn’t call for the rest of the week.
Annoyed and used, I called him. He didn’t answer. I sent a text, and he replied a few hours later.
‘I had to go home that night. Had work in the morning. Sorry, Veronica.’
‘When can I see you again?’
‘I’m gonna keep it real with you, I’m not interested like that.’
That pinched my heart. I couldn’t believe he said that. ‘What do you mean?’
‘How old are you?’
I hesitated to type my age, but I thought I had nothing to lose. ‘I’m 40.’
‘I can’t be interested in an old woman. I’m 35, and I want a woman in her 20s.’
‘I’m not old.’
‘You’d be perfect for some guy in his 50s who’s divorced and has children.’
‘Why 50? What are you talking about?’
‘I’m not trying to be mean to you, really. I just want to make you aware of reality because time is not on your side.’
‘Whatever.’